An Apology, 35 Years in the Making

To everyone we have hurt since 1991:

We owe you an apology. Several, actually.

We apologize to the guy at the cookout who said, "Hot sauce doesn't really do anything to me." We believed you. That was our first mistake. Handing you the bottle was our second.

We apologize to every spouse, roommate, and co-worker who learned the hard way that "just a drop" is not a serving suggestion. It's a warning.

We apologize for the hiccups. The sweating. The long, meaningful stares at the ceiling. The glass of milk you swore you didn't need, and then drank standing up at the fridge.

We apologize to anyone who touched their eyes afterward. You know who you are. So do we.

We apologize for the dares, the challenges, the videos, and the people filming them who laughed a little too hard. (We're not sorry for the videos. We watched every one.)

And most of all, we apologize for doing this on purpose, for a living, for 35 years.

Here's the thing, though. You kept coming back. You told your friends. You bought a bottle for your brother-in-law "as a joke" and then kept one for yourself. For three and a half decades, you've trusted us to bring the heat, and we've tried to earn that every single time.

So consider this our official statement of regret. We've given it real thought, talked it over as a team, and reached a conclusion.

We'd do it all again.

Thanks for 35 years of tears, sweat, and questionable decisions. Here's to the next 35.

Sorry. Not sorry.

The crew at Ashley Food Company, makers of Mad Dog 357